Facing Discomfort Head On- And Why It Matters

If you struggle with anxiety, you are likely familiar with the pattern of avoiding particular situations that will trigger your anxiety. This is called experiential avoidance. And it matters because it actually makes your anxiety worse. 

Let’s start with an example: imagine you have social anxiety. There’s a part of you that wants to go to a party with your friends, but another part of you that becomes very anxious at just the thought of it. After debating back and forth–and having anxiety all week thinking about it–when the time comes, you decide you don’t want to go to the party. When you decide you aren’t going, you feel a strong wave of relief pass over you. You think to yourself, “I’ll go to the next one.” But the problem is, when the next party comes you don’t go to that one either. Or the next one. 

So what is happening here? This is experiential avoidance at work. Experiential = emotion or experience. Avoidance = to avoid. Experiential avoidance is the avoiding of a certain emotion, namely anxiety. Here’s how it turns into a negative cycle that actually makes your anxiety worse over time: you have anxiety thinking about a certain situation. This produces stress hormones in your brain (think fight or flight). Your brain is acting as if you were in immediate physical danger. Then when you avoid the situation, your brain produces chemicals that bring much relief. Therefore, your brain comes to the conclusion that you were truly in danger and you were right to avoid the situation/trigger. In other words, avoidance of what causes your anxiety is the very thing that will perpetuate your anxiety. Left unchecked, you will have a very small comfort zone and you’ll be confined to letting your anxiety and fear determine everything about your life. 

So what are we to do? First, you must recognize that most things that trigger your anxiety are not life or death situations, and therefore should not inherently be avoided. 

• The test you have to take? You won’t die if you fail. 

• The friend you might disappoint? You won’t die if you let them down. 

• Going out in public without your makeup and hair done? Still won’t die. Even if you see someone you know.  

Are there exceptions to this? Yes, of course. But in general, anxious people jump to the worst possible conclusions without strong evidence. Lean into your logic and evaluate the stressor, rather than allowing yourself to spiral. 

The more your anxious thoughts spiral out of control, the more your brain will release your “fight or flight” hormones. In order to break the cycle, commit to regularly pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone and facing situations that make you anxious. When you do this, your brain will learn that the situation was not life threatening, and then in the future your brain will be less likely to make you as anxious. You will benefit from not being controlled by your anxiety, and also by living a fuller life. Over time, your anxiety will decrease, and you will become more confident.